I'm trying to make myself write as much as possible, partially to keep my creative mind sharp in an otherwise not-so-creative work environment, and partially to make sure I continue to appear productive when I've got nothing to do for at least 20 hours out of every week I've worked so far. It beats the hell out of chain smoking to pass the time and feels good to be participating in a creative outlet. For me it was always either writing, designing, or photographing, and I submerge myself entirely in one at a time. If I'm not doing at least one, I become depressed and feel like I'm not utilizing the creative mind that I consider to be one of my greatest assets.
That said, today's the first day I really don't know what to write about, so I think as a prompt I'll talk about something everybody has an easy time talking about when it's something that exists in their lives: Love, and more specifically, MY love, my partner, my companion, my person, Robin. So let's start at the beginning.
That said, today's the first day I really don't know what to write about, so I think as a prompt I'll talk about something everybody has an easy time talking about when it's something that exists in their lives: Love, and more specifically, MY love, my partner, my companion, my person, Robin. So let's start at the beginning.
The day before Thanksgiving, 2015, across from the divorce court.
This requires a little bit of back story. I was in a long distance relationship with a guy named Kozmo (pictured above) who lived in Detroit. We been dating about six months and were pretty good about traveling the distance to see each other, but the majority of our relationship existed in text messages and phone calls. We had a mutual understanding that while we were apart, it was OK for us to sleep with other people, but we were monogamous when we were in the same state, and in the meantime we were obligated to let the other person know if a sexual relationship with someone else was beginning to transform into something more serious. On my end, I didn't see anyone else, but Kozmo would tell me that he often slept with friends on a platonic level. This looseness in our monogamy even lead to me finding him in the shower with another girl... on my birthday. To avoid launching into too many details and making this post about him, I'll just say that Kozmo fucking sucked, and the only reason our relationship lasted as long as it did was strictly because it was long-distance; the more face-to-face time I spent with Kozmo, the more unlikeable he became to me. He was very self-righteous and despite often having no money to his name, no job, and no legitimate ambitions in life, he was no stranger to telling me everything I should change about myself to become better, i.e. more like him. In his mind, he had all the answers I needed to become my best self, and he was never shy in telling me this through constant criticism. He always justified whatever shitty thing he was doing and always condemned anything that I was doing, no mater what it was. He once criticized my hobby of billiards because being in a bar atmosphere wasn't appealing to him and he didn't understand why I liked it, which I attribute again to the fact that he never had any money. He asked what I wanted to do one day and I responded that I'd like to play some pool, because I hadn't all week, and his response was simply, "Why?" as he shrugged begrudgingly and rolled his eyes at my request. But before I had realized any of this, I was still dating him, and had a flight booked for the beginning of December to go out to Detroit and see him. I didn't know it at the time, but that would be the last time I would see him.
That's because, fast forward to the day before Thanksgiving, 2015, I was across from the divorce court at a bar called Esox. I had just ghosted an awful Tinder date that I had only gone on as a social experiment and admittedly out of boredom. Dipping around the corner and away from my "date", I found myself at Esox looking to play a couple games of pool and tell a familiar face about the comically awful experience I had just had with a drunk Tinderer on a crutch.
It's funny to think that at the moment you meet the love of your life, you likely have no idea that this stranger you've just struck up a conversation with is going to become an incredibly important aspect of your life and your future. In that moment, Robin was just a person to talk to; someone to joke about botched date experiences with while waiting for a beer. In that moment I was still Kozmo's girlfriend, and just as random to Robin as he was to me. I'd never been unfaithful to Kozmo and at that time still didn't know that we'd be broken up in less than two week's time and I'd be sprinting through the Detroit airport desperately trying to catch my plane so I could get the fuck out of Michigan and my horrible relationship. While engulfed in excellent albeit slightly drunken conversation with my new bar-mate Robin, I saw the Tinder date I'd just escaped trying to enter the bar, and I turned to Robin and asked him politely if he would do me the incredible service of making out with me, so that this guy would get the hint that I wasn't interested. Robin, despite never being one for PDA, didn't want to turn down the "hot, stinky girl" asking him to kiss her, and obliged politely. When I came up for air, the Tinder date had left, and I had just experienced my first kiss with the man I had no idea I'd still be kissing 3 years later.
Even though I ended up going home with Robin that night, and spending multiple more days and nights with him in the weeks to come, I did not consider Robin relationship material when I first started hanging out with him, and not just because I was still with Kozmo. He showed signs of his youth and I wasn't sure that someone like him would be able to keep up with someone like me. I wondered if he had even ever met anybody quite like me before. I remember feeling like "I could never take a shower with this guy, it just wouldn't feel right." He had some sloppy drunk tendencies and also hadn't graduated into the phase of adulthood in which a bedroom floor is actually visible underneath the thick layer of clothing scattered all around it. He didn't look anything like any guy I'd ever dated and I assumed before getting to know him that he was slightly on the basic side (wrong, but I've had plenty of time to learn how wrong that snap judgement was). Nevertheless, we continued to hang out often, and even though I didn't want to sleep with him until I knew what the status of my relationship with Kozmo was, we continued kissing and sleeping in the same bed. I knew that I liked him, but still didn't believe I could ever "date" him. He made me laugh and made me feel beautiful, and I could tell he was enamored with me but remained incredibly patient while I figured out what was going on. The more time I spent with Robin, the less I liked Kozmo, and the less I even thought about him. But I still had my flight booked and still planned on making my visit to Detroit, and Robin was well in the know about my current status.
That's because, fast forward to the day before Thanksgiving, 2015, I was across from the divorce court at a bar called Esox. I had just ghosted an awful Tinder date that I had only gone on as a social experiment and admittedly out of boredom. Dipping around the corner and away from my "date", I found myself at Esox looking to play a couple games of pool and tell a familiar face about the comically awful experience I had just had with a drunk Tinderer on a crutch.
It's funny to think that at the moment you meet the love of your life, you likely have no idea that this stranger you've just struck up a conversation with is going to become an incredibly important aspect of your life and your future. In that moment, Robin was just a person to talk to; someone to joke about botched date experiences with while waiting for a beer. In that moment I was still Kozmo's girlfriend, and just as random to Robin as he was to me. I'd never been unfaithful to Kozmo and at that time still didn't know that we'd be broken up in less than two week's time and I'd be sprinting through the Detroit airport desperately trying to catch my plane so I could get the fuck out of Michigan and my horrible relationship. While engulfed in excellent albeit slightly drunken conversation with my new bar-mate Robin, I saw the Tinder date I'd just escaped trying to enter the bar, and I turned to Robin and asked him politely if he would do me the incredible service of making out with me, so that this guy would get the hint that I wasn't interested. Robin, despite never being one for PDA, didn't want to turn down the "hot, stinky girl" asking him to kiss her, and obliged politely. When I came up for air, the Tinder date had left, and I had just experienced my first kiss with the man I had no idea I'd still be kissing 3 years later.
Even though I ended up going home with Robin that night, and spending multiple more days and nights with him in the weeks to come, I did not consider Robin relationship material when I first started hanging out with him, and not just because I was still with Kozmo. He showed signs of his youth and I wasn't sure that someone like him would be able to keep up with someone like me. I wondered if he had even ever met anybody quite like me before. I remember feeling like "I could never take a shower with this guy, it just wouldn't feel right." He had some sloppy drunk tendencies and also hadn't graduated into the phase of adulthood in which a bedroom floor is actually visible underneath the thick layer of clothing scattered all around it. He didn't look anything like any guy I'd ever dated and I assumed before getting to know him that he was slightly on the basic side (wrong, but I've had plenty of time to learn how wrong that snap judgement was). Nevertheless, we continued to hang out often, and even though I didn't want to sleep with him until I knew what the status of my relationship with Kozmo was, we continued kissing and sleeping in the same bed. I knew that I liked him, but still didn't believe I could ever "date" him. He made me laugh and made me feel beautiful, and I could tell he was enamored with me but remained incredibly patient while I figured out what was going on. The more time I spent with Robin, the less I liked Kozmo, and the less I even thought about him. But I still had my flight booked and still planned on making my visit to Detroit, and Robin was well in the know about my current status.
Running through the Detroit airport so desperately that I ate shit.
Fast forward again to my last day in Detroit. I spent a week and a half in Kozmo's company and it had been exhausting and completely unenjoyable. Most days I just kept silent while he hung out and drank outrageous amounts of coffee for hours while doing crossword puzzles and I awkwardly sat around not knowing what to say or do. I never laughed. I was always awkward and uncomfortable. Kozmo thought he was like a gift to me, and one I should utilize, but every day I spent with him just made me draw further away from him. Every day I was in Detroit, I found myself thinking of Robin; guiltily daydreaming of his kiss and his touch and the way he made me laugh in the way you do when someone doesn't even realize how funny they are. Even on the plane ride to Detroit, I found myself sending songs-of-the-day to Robin, leaning my head against the window to watch the world go by underneath, thinking about the next time I'd get to see him, and completely not caring to think about the boyfriend I was actually on my way to see. And whether because it was obvious or because Kozmo was a complete fucking piece of shit, the distance between us culminated until my last night there, when Kozmo became black out drunk and we proceeded to get into a massive argument that would lead to him calling me no less than a hundred times to scream incoherently at me. I slept at his friend Veronica's house that night, spooning with his other friend Stretch who I had always felt close with and who had been there for me the night before while I realized how much I really didn't like Kozmo or have any interest whatsoever in dating him anymore.
The next morning Veronica drove me to the airport, but due to her fear of the highway, we only took back roads which took about 30 minutes longer, and I found myself late for my flight, sprinting so furiously through the airport trying to make it that I tripped over my own feet and ate shit on the carpeted floor of the Detroit airport. Luckily, the Detroit airport is in Detroit, which means it's pretty much always desolate, and nobody saw me fly face first into the ground. I ended up making it onto my plane, dead last, huffing and puffing for breath, only seconds before they closed the gate door. Meghan picked me up from the Boston airport that night with two Twisted teas and a bottle of Fireball, and I proceeded to call Robin's work and leave a message for him (unknowingly through his manager) that said simply, "be in my bed tonight." Three hours later, I arrived home, and there he was, waiting for newly-single me to jump excitedly into bed with him and finally be his.
The next morning Veronica drove me to the airport, but due to her fear of the highway, we only took back roads which took about 30 minutes longer, and I found myself late for my flight, sprinting so furiously through the airport trying to make it that I tripped over my own feet and ate shit on the carpeted floor of the Detroit airport. Luckily, the Detroit airport is in Detroit, which means it's pretty much always desolate, and nobody saw me fly face first into the ground. I ended up making it onto my plane, dead last, huffing and puffing for breath, only seconds before they closed the gate door. Meghan picked me up from the Boston airport that night with two Twisted teas and a bottle of Fireball, and I proceeded to call Robin's work and leave a message for him (unknowingly through his manager) that said simply, "be in my bed tonight." Three hours later, I arrived home, and there he was, waiting for newly-single me to jump excitedly into bed with him and finally be his.
Three years later and three thousand miles apart.
Three years later, we're 3000 miles apart for the time it takes us to organize our lives on both sides of the country so that we can begin the next chapter of our lives together in the city of San Francisco. Three years later, it is utterly amazing to me that I almost managed to make enough excuses not to date Robin. Three years later, I've never dated anyone like Robin and unsurprisingly have never had a relationship as strong and as successful as the one we have. I have never been so sure of the fact that I will marry someone as I have been with him, even when I was engaged to marry someone else and was a solid 85% of the way through planning the wedding. Robin is my companion, my partner, and my best friend. Never before have I met or been with someone with whom my "alone time" can be spent and still feel like "alone time." I never knew what it felt like to have such comfort in my companionship with someone, or what a relationship could feel like without intimidation or some kind of "challenge" to it that I thought was the secret to keeping relationships interesting. It is effortless to love him, even when both our sets of imperfections make it difficult sometimes. We and all of our friends who have been around to see the progression of our relationship know that we are in it for the long haul, and our relationship is one that others aspire to find for themselves. We have traveled to different countries together, experienced change in our career lives together, been parents to my dog Otto together, and made a lovely home on Decatur Street together. We talk about marriage and a possible family in the future (of kids or dogs, not quite sure) and I know that he will be by my side no matter what life throws our way or what adventures we decide to seek. We love each others' families and they love us together, and even though I may be a little rougher around the edges than what his mother had envisioned for him, it is safe to say they can tell at this point that I'm not going anywhere.
We are growing together and improving together, rather than through judgement and intimidation the way Kozmo and plenty of other ex-boyfriends I've had clearly preferred to do it. Our changes are natural and caused by inspiration in the other to become better partners and better people. Robin has helped me become less selfish and less anxious, and work on my temper and tendency to make a big deal out of things that aren't worth it. In turn I have helped Robin mature and take initiative in his life where he may have not otherwise. He's found a career path outside of the kitchen that he truly enjoys and wants to pursue. He has made an effort to become cleaner in his home life and I have found the strength to sometimes step back and take a breath and brush small things off, and to generally become more of a patient person. I wholeheartedly believe that with more time spent together, we will continue to grow and change and mature together, bettering ourselves every step of the way because we have the support of the other. If he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I would say yes without a moment's hesitation, which is a realization I think I made the moment my face hit the faded carpet of the Detroit airport.
We are growing together and improving together, rather than through judgement and intimidation the way Kozmo and plenty of other ex-boyfriends I've had clearly preferred to do it. Our changes are natural and caused by inspiration in the other to become better partners and better people. Robin has helped me become less selfish and less anxious, and work on my temper and tendency to make a big deal out of things that aren't worth it. In turn I have helped Robin mature and take initiative in his life where he may have not otherwise. He's found a career path outside of the kitchen that he truly enjoys and wants to pursue. He has made an effort to become cleaner in his home life and I have found the strength to sometimes step back and take a breath and brush small things off, and to generally become more of a patient person. I wholeheartedly believe that with more time spent together, we will continue to grow and change and mature together, bettering ourselves every step of the way because we have the support of the other. If he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I would say yes without a moment's hesitation, which is a realization I think I made the moment my face hit the faded carpet of the Detroit airport.