Please, break up.
You two are a beautifully crafted textbook example of how couples stay together for so long that they wouldn't even know how to break up even if there was a bright blinking neon sign in front of them instructing them to do so. You're the poster couple for prolonging the inevitable because you're too scared to face the accompanying change. I get it, it's scary to ask yourself what a day looks like like when it doesn't start with opening your eyes and seeing the same person next to you that you've seen all these years. Never mind the big things like rent and pet custody, I'm here to ask what a day looks like without the constant bickering -- scratch that, the verbal abuse -- that takes place on the daily between you two. You are both delusional to keep believing that one of these days you'll wake up next to that person and suddenly be happy about it the way you used to be.
I must inform you of something that is blatantly obvious to anybody who has the misfortune of spending more than a couple consecutive hours with you: You don't like each other. Sure, you love each other, but you don't like each other. You loathe each other. You'd both run the other over with a car if you could, I wager you’d both feel pretty good about it, if only for a fleeting moment between impact and regret. The way you two speak to each other is the way I speak in my daydreams to the people I hate with a wild fervor. It is time you both looked in the mirror and asked yourselves how you really felt about each other, and to listen to yourself if the answer to that question is the starling realization that you'd love to watch that person trip and fall into a puddle of fucking lava.
But screw my opinion, well, actually the opinions of many of your friends, for just a sec. Let’s talk facts. Real facts. Here's a big one: One of you is desperate to have children and create a family, and the other is vehemently opposed to it. Do you guys understand that to stay together means one of you sacrificing something to you that changes one's entire life? Are you both so selfish that you expect your relationship to fix itself when the other party just magically "comes around?" Does the necessity of one party needing to “come around” in the first place not show you how incompatible you are? Relationships are usually built on a certain degree of companionship, meaning togetherness, and an at least slight congruence of goals as well as a willingness to work together to achieve them. What you guys have more so resembles standing at a fork in the road for about 3 years, arguing about which direction to go, all the while neither of you acknowledging that you haven’t moved in 3 years and are still nowhere closer to choosing a direction. You guys have been going in opposite directions for years, but continue to try and pull the other one with you against their will, and then get annoyed when you can’t understand why the other isn’t happier to be there. Please, let go of each other's' arms, and just. Break. Up.
Your friends will thank you for it, because we are all so sick and tired of being put in that awkward position of figuring out how to act when you two start fighting, which, let’s face it, happens so frequently that we are all embarrassed for both of you. You dislike each other so intensely that it causes you to have no consideration for the people around you and how uncomfortable it makes us; you guys become the only people in the world and the only thing you have in common is the fierce need to win this hour’s argument. And just so you know, there is no winner. We are all losers, but no one more than you two when you become so lost in your shitty relationship that you don’t stop to realize that you’re screaming at each other in public and both acting like children. I don’t care who’s right; you both look like fools, and I don’t want to be seen with you, nor do I want to have to console or side with you or validate your toxic relationship in any way.
But don’t fret, guys. All is not lost, and there are positives to note here. In fact, if you can both just stop being cowards and just break the fuck up already, I don’t think it’s going to take long for you both to realize how overdue it was, and how much happier you both can be. Girl, there is a guy out there who would love nothing more than to worship the very ground you walk on, who would pump you full of all the babies you could dream of, who will remind you that you’re beautiful when you’re feeling down, who will comfort you when you’re feeling anxious or scared, who will love you even in your... blonder moments..., who will acknowledge where you are fragile and not patronize you, and who will thrive on being your partner, your companion through life. Boy, there is a girl out there who isn’t gonna try and turn you into something you have no desire to be, who marches to the beat of her own drum and is stoked to have you around but can do her own thing too, who would rather fill a scrapbook of memories with you than of pictures of babies or puppies, who’s skin is thick enough to take a little playful bullying and can dish it out just as good as she can take it, who is as sharp as a tack but still curious to learn something new, and who motivates you to be better completely on your own accord. Girl, he is NOT going to marry or impregnate you. Boy, she is NEVER going to lighten up about it. Both of you, think about how much more your friends will enjoy hanging out with each of you because we won’t constantly be holding our breath, waiting for the next mean thing he’s gonna say to her, and waiting to see how she’s gonna react to it. Both of you, just think about how much better both of your lives could be if you stopped pretending like this relationship is even remotely repairable and like the only things that made it salvageable have long since become a part of the past. Do yourselves, and all of us a favor, and please. Break up.